Essay / Politics

"No Proof Rasputin Evil!" Boxer claims. Russian Revolution a mistake!

MSNBC – Rice, Democrats duel over Iraq strategySen. Barbara Boxer, D-Calif., confronted Rice with her own words to argue that as Bush’s national security adviser, she had contradicted herself on Saddam’s weapons capabilities.”You sent them [U.S. troops] in there because of weapons of mass destruction. Later, the mission changed when there were none,” Boxer told Rice.(From a secret source following the hearings.)Following her sometimes blistering assault on Dr. Rice, Senator Barbara Boxer was heard pressing the nominee even further on her central point in a hallway. “It is not enough,” said Boxer teetering on the highest heels seen on a government leader not from North Korea, “to act rationally. It is not enough to act on evidence and make statements based on what you know at the time. By golly, you have to be right! We expect nothing less than omniscience in our political leaders.”Rice coughed politely and looked a bit embarrassed. Seizing on what she took to be her opponents weakness, the battling bantam Boxer buffeted Rice with a series of fast balls, “Think of all the historic tragedies that could have been averted if people followed the Boxer Doctrine in decision making.”Rice looked puzzeled, “The Boxer Doctrine?”Boxer’s voice cut through the chatter in the hall with her usual nails-on-chalk-board sound. Her mind sqeaked like a marker on a white board, but her voice still had that old fashioned tone. “You have not heard of it? It is the notion that one should never act based on faulty intelligence. I put it this way: it is not intelligent to have bad intelligence. I came up with it myself.”Rice tried to respond, “But in an imperfect world, don’t we have to act on the intelligence we have?”Boxer began to speak slowly as if training a very slow child, “Yes. And this doctrine if followed would have avoided so many tragedies. Like, well, take the whole World War I thing. It turns out the War was useless for a country like Russia. They ended up losing and having a whole Revolution. Shouldn’t they have known? And World War II. Don’t get me started. If the Boxer doctrine had been applied, we would known that Germany was not making an A-bomb. There were entire missions that wasted young men’s lives based on bad intelligence. We could have saved those young attractive lads lives if we had known everything. And Vietnam. We lost there in the jungle. People just did not want us there. Shouldn’t we have known that? After all the Soviet Union was going to fall in 1989 anyway. Why bother?And let me tell you some of those young men were also pretty good looking. I know, I was there at the time. Not in Vietnam, but hanging out and making a difference. We all were. And don’t get me started about sports. The Patriots won last year for crying out loud. They were the better team, so why did they have to play the whole gosh-darned season. We should have known who was going to win with better intelligence”Boxer tossed her tipped hair with girlish glee. “If you aren’t right, you are wrong. Can you deny it? Guessing is not good enough so like follow Democrat strategy and attack when you know WMD are there. After all, if we waited until a nation used them, then we would have public opinion with us in taking out the rest! And there would be no chance we would ever be wrong! We would know they were there, right? Huh? Huh? Huh?”Rice gurgled helplessly. Boxer was triumphant and moved in for the kill with a bearing that made many a man thankful for his wife, “The entire affair with that young couple Romeo and Juliet should never have happened. ‘Don’t kill yourself,’ I cried at the screen, ‘she is not dead.’ But because Romeo jumped to conclusions two young people ended up without the right to choose. There is almost no end of the uses of the Boxer doctrine.”Rice, “Isn’t that a fictional account?””Whatever,” Boxer snapped, her face stretching dangerously, her skin thin in so many ways. She gave her final blow to Rice as she tottered down the hall, “The right is not right. And that is wrong.”

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