Essay / Misc.

Sleep Talkin’ Theologian 4: “Translucent in Honor, Suspended in Dignity.”

And here is the epic conclusion to my sleep-talking adventures from graduate school. (Click here for installments 1, 2, and 3.)

I’m sure I still talk in my sleep, but probably not as much as back in the day. During the time my wife took these notes, I was reading assigned theology all day every day, staying up late into the night, and hating to get out of bed. At any rate, there will be no further posts in this series!

***

Standing in line.
ATM.
[what will you get with your money?]
Stitches.
[how’d you get hurt?]
Tablecloth dancing.
[if you need stitches, why are you waiting at an ATM?]
Fleshwound.
[how do you do tablecloth dancing?]
I’m already on to something else.
Western.
Movie.
Clint Eastwood and Jimmy Stewart are trying to kill each other.
Machine guns and switchblades.

***

Hand lotion.
People hand it out at weddings.
You rub it into your hands.
[do the men do it too?]
Oh yes.
It’s very sensuous.
[does it smell good?]
Yes.
Like dirty dishes.
[that would be sensuous? It sounds sick!]
What’s the difference?

***

Enlargements.
Photo enlargements.
Of hairs.
[just hair?]
Mm-hmmm.
[what are you doing with them?]
Selling them.
[who buys them?]
The hairless.
They put them on their heads.
[does it fool anyone?]
The hairful.

***

Translucent in honor.
Suspended in dignity.
I escaped from gag.
[what is gag?]
Backwards.
The slogan is “keep on gaggin’.”
[yucky!]
No, trucky.
[laughs]
AT. That’s all you get.

***

Alley way
Nothing in it
I’m awake now so the alleyway is like a painting.
[what kind of painting?]
You know how if you see a movie and it has a painting in it?
That kind of painting.

***

I dreamed I was using kung fu to turn traffic against itself and get you to work.

***

Corn
Canned corn
I’m the other Moses so I’ve got to get a lot of it.
[who are you leading?]
Just me, mostly.
[can you live by corn alone?]
Apparently, ’cause I sure have a lot of it.

***

Finding faces on the moon
Dog faces
[are you on the moon?]
Moon lander
[what else are you finding?]
Just dog faces
[who’s with you?]
Just mission control.

***

Boys
They won’t wear their pins.
Scouting pins.
Too immature, I guess.
[how old?]
About eight.
[they’re pretty little]
Well, they should know better.
[are they in trouble?]
Yeah.
[with who?]
Mumble mumble

***

This building
Its floors are covered with mud.
Knee deep
Every floor
It’s a skyscraper
The Hardy Boys or someone are there.
I don’t know them.

***

The politicians are sending out “Happy Trinity” cards.
To voters.
[what do they think will happen?]
Hmm! Votes.
[what do the Trinity cards look like?]
You deal out a whole deck of cards in sets of three, laminate them, then you cut each set out in its little lamination bottle. That’s what the card is.

***

[who do you love the most?]
Out of who?
[all the people you know]
The tooth fairy.
[who’s second?]
Molar.
[what?]
Like your tooth: Molar.
[who’s third?]
Bicuspid.

***

Presidential assassination.
The new one.
Michael Douglas is going to shoot Bill Clinton.
Bad policy, I guess.

***

The triumphal entry, actually.
The donkey’s covered with jewels.
[what are the children doing?]
Wondering whether or not they could pick off the jewels.
[what is Jesus doing?]
Trying to get comfortable on that jewel-covered saddle.
[so it’s a saddle that’s so fancy?]
No, it’s the whole donkey.
Even the legs are wrapped around with jewels.
[how did it happen?]
A rich man heard about Jesus and wanted to give him an appropriate donkey.

***

Digital cameras.
Pictures have greater depth.
You know that bald black guy?
Talk about a head you just shine off of.
It’s like it’s in the room with you.

***

I dreamed I had to host The Muppet Show.
[you got to host it?]
I HAD to.
I wasn’t ready.
[what happened?]
I don’t know.
When the curtain went up, the alarm clock went off.
The show was sponsored by Em-N-Empties. They’re like M-and-Ms, but just the candy shell. Isn’t that a good idea?

***

I’m putting money on a different horse.
This one’s quote unquote emotionally immature.
[what are you dreaming about?]
‘Bout you walking around with a big wad of money at the racetrack right now.

***

Kinda like that cloud thing
With that magazine where you try to see what’s in the clouds.

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