Essay / Avant-Garde

Two-Fisted Gun Monger with Knife Breath!!!

Sure, movies are violent these days. But in between the violent bits, there’s always a bunch of dialogue and character development and stuff. What we really need is a movie designed for pure violence. What we need is a character who is designed for nothing but sheer violent mayhem. What we need is a hero (or villain, whatever) whose very name lets you know that you’re in for wall-to-wall violent entertainment.

At least that’s how the movie trailers seem. As I talked this over with Freddy Age Ten the other day, we put our heads together and came up with a hero (or villain, whatever) for our time: TWO-FISTED GUN MONGER WITH KNIFE BREATH!!!

Two-Fisted Gun Monger with Knife Breath can hardly be on camera five seconds without punching, shooting, or blowing knives at somebody. He is all violent, all the time. When you see the trailer for his next movie, it has nothing but the violent clips in it because there are no nonviolent clips in the movie. He is the hero (or villain, whatever) we have been waiting for; the hero (or villain, whatever) for our time.

Two-Fisted Gun Monger with Knife Breath has two fists, a lot of guns, and when he breathes, knives come out. That’s the basic idea.

Sometimes, Two-Fisted Gun Monger with Knife Breath feels dramatic conflict, a tension that runs through his character. He pauses… is this a good time for fists, guns, or knives? Not sure… But this is the closest to an ethical dilemma that our hero (or villain, whatever) will ever come.

TWO-FISTED GUN MONGER WITH KNIFE BREATH!!!
TWO-FISTED GUN MONGER WITH KNIFE BREATH!!!
TWO-FISTED GUN MONGER WITH KNIFE BREATH!!!

Say it and feel the movie-making power.

Character design by Freddy Age Ten. Next: TFGMw/KB’s mysterious arch enemies…

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