Essay / Avant-Garde

Okay, So You Got the Ring, Smarty-Eye

Phoebe Age Nine imagines Sauron, the Lidless and Unblinking Eye of Mordor, in his great lust for the One Ring. Here he is supported by worker Orcs:

Cowering at the bottom, barely visible, is Gollum, pitifully protesting, “it is my prechus golem golem.” We can’t even tell if he’s a line drawing or something more complex. “NO, ITS MINE” thunders Sauron, looking down imperiously with a rage that radiates out through the energetic mark-making of the rods in his iris and the veins in his eyeball.

But the next image brings a shocking twist:

A visibly deflated Lidless Eye laments, “ggggrg I can’t put it on.”

Actually, what was Sauron’s plan with the ring anyway? He’s gots no fingers since that nasty Isildur chopped them off. What he could really use is some Visine, or maybe a gigantic monocle. One Monocle to rule them all!

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