Essay / Misc.

I Totally Found the Grave of Jesus!

No, seriously! I was just walking through this graveyard near Los Angeles, and I look up, and there it was: Clear as day, “Jesús” written right on a grave stone. And as if that’s not enough to let you know that I of all people have found the very grave of Jesus himself, look at the top: The grave stone has a cross right there on it! How much more obvious could this be? In fact, I think whoever buried Jesus here (no doubt his wife Mary Magdalene and their son, li’l Judas) felt a bit guilty and left a clue about what they were up to: Notice in the middle of the cross, the letters I. H. S. What do you think that stands for, written in the middle of a cross here on the grave of Jesus in Los Angeles?

I’m. Hiding. Something.


And get this: Not only did I find a grave that said Jesús, but I looked around at some other graves nearby, and I found a José and lots of Marias. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, how much proof do you people need? It is so clearly the grave of Jesus that I don’t care what anybody says.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not an archaeologist. I’m also not a theologist, a dig-up-stuffologist, a scholarologist or even a symbologist. I’m just a humble movieologist and the KING OF THE WORLD!!!

And by the by, this is absolutely not a publicity stunt. Ab-so-lute-ly.

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