Transcript 2 of 4 in the annals of the sleep-talkin’ theologian. These notes date from about 1997. My long-suffering wife, a morning person, asks me questions like “when do you want to wake up?” and “what are you dreaming about?” Still asleep, I answer her questions. Sometimes she interjects ideas into my dreams, and I accept them. She’s especially fond of lobbing kittens in.
Homer Simpson is trying to break one open.
It has meat in it
[what’s Marge doing?] She’s at home cleaning the floor
[what about Lisa?] (makes sucking noises)
[honey, Lisa’s not the baby] Try telling my dream that!
[what’s Maggie doing?] (makes sucking noises)
I’m just going to tidy up a bit first.
Some kind of beauty contest.
Ball gown competition.
A guy named Piod.
I think I made him up.
He’s a Belgian Jesuit.
He’s trying to get his illegitimate son to choose a religion.
Picking up rocks
Carrying them around
[what color?] Reddish orange.
[any kittens on Mars?] Yeah
There’s one with me
Inside my suit.
She’s full of ideas.
Like which rock to pick up.
[are they good ideas?] Yes
[do you like having a kitten in your space suit?] Yeah
Except the landings are tough.
[what does glory look like?] Kinda like a waffle. Bigger
[what color is it?] Like a waffle!
Shopping for paper.
[what kind?] Grey
[what are you going to do with it?] Make paper wads.
[what will you do with the paper wads?] What do you think?
[I don’t know] Make a paper wad man.
Look like Parson Brown.
Everyone’s giving them Easter eggs,
Like tie-dyed Easter eggs.
Everyone thinks it’s a funny joke on them.
They’re bummed out.
They sure weren’t getting their PhDs in theology!
[had they been to school?] Mm-hmmm.
[what did they study?] Beat poets.
Oh, this thing in Latin.
It distinguishes between creation and redemption.
It screws all the other doctrines up.
You have to know what a table’s for.
[what’s a table for?] Redemption.
***[What time do you want to get up?] Oh, sometime after the real edition of the Institutes.
[after the what?] Are you trying to cause trouble?
[when were the Institutes?] Oh, fifteen-something.
[when do you want to get up?] Fifteen-something.
***[what time do you want to get up?] Fourteen
[is that two p.m.?] It’s fourteen minutes after I would feel good about getting up, plus fourteen, or minus.
(what time would you feel good about getting up?)
[who’s in the Trinity?] That’s a dumb question.
[well, answer!] I’ll give you a smart-aleck answer:
The person who first took you to Sunday School,
The person who’s going to take you back,
And the teacher.
That’s the Trinity.
[what are they doing?] Rapping your knuckles for religious ignorance.
Remember when I wore that bow tie?
Well, what was written on it?
[nothing.] Oh yeah? “Kierkegaard Fear and Trembling.”
[it does not say that on your bowtie] How do you think I did so well on my test?
[you didn’t wear the bowtie to your test] Had it in my pocket.
Like a hair ribbon.
***[are you dreaming about any kittens?] Yeah
They’re walking in circles, lost.
In the Pentagon.
Some kind of angel.
The kind that looks like birds but it’s really an angel.
Hiding behind the sun.
[how can you see it?] Sticks out.
***[what time do you want up?] Pretty poi.
[what?] The time I want up.
(how do you spell it?)
[like Hawaiian food poi?] Like when you need to get something apart, and you get the damn crowbar.
Excuse my French.
[what are you dreaming about?] Haven’t we been over this?
Some guy in prison.
[why is he in prison?] Something about cupcakes.
Off the cob.
We had to threaten it to get it off the cobs.
It likes to hang out in gangs.
[what’s it doing now?] Acting tough.
Birds in a tree.
I think they’re doves.
They just landed and they’re looking around.
[what are they looking for?] I can’t tell.
There are six of them.
They keep landing over and over.
They’re just looking around.
Little tiny people
Trying to help
Getting in the way
[what project are they helping with?] Moving the comic.
Down to the basement.
[where is it now?] (moves hands under covers)
[in your pants?] Yes
[I don’t know if I should write that down] You’re the one who said it.
***[are you asleep?] Heisenberg.
Upside down in letters in a manuscript.
[what kind?] Religious.
It’s burning and they’re trying to put it out from the letters.
Just the capital letters.
The first ones on the page.