Installment 3 of 4 in this series of transcripts of my sleep-talking adventures from the late 90s. No, I cannot explain most of these.
Something about a surgeon
Getting ready to cut something out of someone
[who?] Part of the time it was me.
Part of the time it was some guy I didn’t know.
[Is he a good surgeon?] Yes.
Some motivational speaker.
He’s trying to get everyone whipped up.
[to do what?] It’s not really clear.
I think it’s just to take baths.
This is in the future when not everyone takes baths.
[what’s he saying?] He’s just preaching about how good baths are.
You know how your shopping cart gets really full?
This guy is buying all spices.
[what’s he going to do?] I guess he’s going to season the bejappers out of something.
[laughs] What’s so funny?
[“bejappers”] How do you spell that?
[how do YOU spell it?] I don’t spell it, I just say it.
If I start speaking in tongues, you’ll wish you’d had a different project.
Either that or they’re in a band.
[bean burritos?] I can’t tell.
None of them are open.
But I suspect bean.
[what about beef?] Are you offering?
[offering what?] Beef.
Stacks of paper
[what are you going to do with it?] Drop it
On the first one in
To the hot tub.
[why?] I’m a prankster.
***[what time did you go to bed?] Oh, Matthew four-ish.
[tell me more-ish] What are you talking about?
[what time do you want up?] Why don’t you learn the numbers yourself so you’re not always asking?
[do you want up at 8:30?] Too dirty.
[what about 9 o’ clock?] Too… too… too much to mock.
[what about 9:15?] Too much bursting of the spleen.
[what about 9:25?] I wouldn’t be alive.
[what about 9:26?] (snore)
Supermarket cathedral kind of church.
You can go in and shop for hymnals.
[can you get choir robes?] You have to wear them when you shop.
Especially in the meat department.
All the meat guys are priests.
[what about produce?] I can’t see it.
It’s too tall.
[what about fresh breads?] Freads.
Freads means fresh breads.
[what about cheese?] Do you mean do they have cheese in all of France, or just in this one cathedral?
[just in that cathedral] [what now?] It’s kind of like a mass.
[what about the shopping carts?] You have to park ’em.
Then you see the Pope on TV.
[any music?] Religious supermarket music.
Finishing up a paper
[is it a scholarly paper?] No, it’s more like a friendly letter.
I want a monkey who will do what I tell it without having to yell all the time.
[what do you want it to do?] Oh, a twirl with the tray with food, grapes, tumblers of water.
[where would you keep your monkey?] Jungle.
[what would you name it?] Mikong.
A pair of pants and a pair of potatoes.
[how come?] At least you don’t have to inflate them both.
The grasping fingers
[what are they grasping?] Barber’s tools.
[whose hair do they cut?] Whoever gets in the way.
They’re from space.
[are they aliens?] Everyone’s an alien of some kind.
How do you use scissors?
The grasping fingers know other things.
[like what?] So-called secrets.
[like what?] Like gravity.
Their scissors know.
They cut your gravity and you dangle up.
I cut the fly into the curtains.
It was horrible.
The fly came apart.
Takin’ ’em on long trips
To the Grand Canyon
It’s too difficult
[what’s too difficult?] You’ll laugh
[no I won’t] They’re Paul Tillich’s water balloons.
[what’s he going to do with them?] Explain them
[what’s he going to say?] “Being participates in becoming like a light beam in a hallway.”
[what else?] “Soak ’em, boys!”
[what else?] You’ve heard too much already.
***[are you dreaming about kittens? What are they doing?] Reviewing books.
Lots of them.
They don’t like any of them.
They’re savage reviewers.
[who are they reviewing for?] Louisville slugger.
They set the books up on a low wall and whap the bejappers out of them.
[with a Louisville slugger bat?] That’s what I said.
[laughs] You’re laughing AT.
[can’t quit laughing] What are you doing?
Oh, you’re writing your little novel.
That’ll make everybody laugh.
***[are you awake or asleep?] Here’s a hint: Yoko Ono is in the hot tub with the Captain’s hat on.
***[what are you dreaming about?] Show some respect
Speak in full sentences, quietly
[sorry. What are ..] That’s not a complete sentence.
[I am sorry.] You are forgiven.
[what are you dreaming about?] Giving you grammar lessons.
Getting carried around.
Up a hills.
[what are you getting carried in?] Arms.
[why?] I told you
Up a hill.
“The best show on television.”
Hill Street Blues.
I’m telling this guy how it’s the best.
He has lettuce on his head.
[does he talk?] Yeah.
He says the stupid stuff a lettuce-head would.
Crap like, “Au contrair! Au contrair!”